After I gave seminar for the Cal (UC Berkeley) Triathlon Club last year, one of the attendees (Adrian) posted the following on their chat forum. It is HILARIOUS.
Click the title to go to Adrian's post:
"Dr. Clyde and Chuck Norris are twins!"
CNN was originally created as the "Clyde Nutrition Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot, ass-kicking nutrition information in real-time.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Dr. Clyde’s blender lives in California.
Dr. Clyde’s blender has two speeds: Puree and Kick Ass.
Dr. Clyde starts everyday with a protein shake made from low-fat milk, four pounds of spinach, one dozen eggs, a bag of cashews, pure Colombian cocaine, and a gallon of rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Dr. Clyde has 72... and they're all kicking ass.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Dr. Clyde has yet to put in his blender.
If tapped, a Dr. Clyde Intensive Training Shake could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
Dr. Clyde doesn't own a can opener, he just blends the entire can.
Dr. Clyde doesn't churn butter. He blends the entire cow.
Dr. Clyde once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Dr. Clyde won by 5.
They were going to release a Dr. Clyde edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Dr. Clyde. In The Kitchen. With a Blender."
Dr. Clyde does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold. And blended.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Dr. Clyde turned that wine into a power shake.
When Dr. Clyde sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of a nuclear-powered aircraft carrier and one of himself dead-lifting 900 pounds. Dr. Clyde has not had to pay taxes, ever.
Scotty in Star Trek often says “Ye cannae change the laws of physics.” This is untrue. Dr. Clyde can change the laws of physics. With his blender.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Dr. Clyde could put in his blender, including the room itself.
Dr. Clyde once blended a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to Dr. Clyde’s blender.
When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Dr. Clyde kills a ninja, he blends every part.
Dr. Clyde’s blender doesn’t really kill people. It wipes out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Dr. Clyde finds it delicious. Especially when it’s blended.
Dr. Clyde’s blender is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Dr. Clyde can split the atom. With his blender.
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